is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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