I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
