when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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