Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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