i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
