so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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