Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
