I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
