My liver just broke up with me...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
