My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
