I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
