I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
