I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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