one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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