Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
