You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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