when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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