im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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