Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
