someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
