I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...