he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
