Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.