hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
