i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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