I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
