Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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