Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
