I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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