Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
