I think i peed on brittanys purse
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
