New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
