If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
