Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im holly from the hills drunk
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
