She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
