i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
