Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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