I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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