Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
