It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
