I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
