Your dad touched me again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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