Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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