You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
