i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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