My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
what day is it and did you see me today?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
