I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
