I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my being single is dangerous.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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