Me too!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
