No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
