yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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