You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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