So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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