I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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