Whod you bang
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sorry about my life...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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