Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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