I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
