So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
