dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
