People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
