Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
