I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
